Spearitual: April 2015

The trials of my life have transformed me from a 'victim' to a victor. I have learned that outward beauty by itself is a shell without essence or substance. That inner beauty on the other hand has the metamorphic power to turn the ugliest outer shell into the most radiant being. I have also come to the understanding that as a caterpillar is given the power to be transformed into a butterfly, all of us have within us the power to spring forth wings of liberty. I have been empowered to never again let my body, this sacred temple, entrusted to me by The Divine, be debased by anyone. Now I know for sure that going through the fire has molded me into this priceless and unique jewel.

Throughout my life I have used different activities (such as arts and crafts, music, singing, dancing) to help me cope with stress and distress. Reading has allowed me to imagine other worlds, kept me dreaming and fantasizing. Yet, nothing has been more instrumental in taking me out of my cocoon than telling the story of my life. Sharing my story has helped me grieve and reconnect with my old self while progressing toward a more refined one.

When I reentered college a few years ago, Dr Shand, my professor in Transitional Nursing, threw the following question up in the air: " Who am I? " All of us, took turns answering the question. Some colleagues spoke of their prowess and accomplishments, others used the opportunity to recognize, affirm, and appreciate the individuals in their lives. When my turn came, I recall my brain swirling and my mouth frozen in fear. My brain at that moment could not produce any beautiful and acceptable memories. Deep inside, I sensed that dragging skeletons out of the closet would disturb the perfect atmosphere. I dreaded what followed next, but had no control whatsoever of the words that flowed from my lips.

"I am Gerthy, I am a mother of five. I have been a registered nurse for 20 years. I am a survivor of domestic violence"....... I voiced.

Then my mouth continued to spout the painful memories as they continued to surface. Deluge of tears and uncontrollable hiccups took over. I became the woman with the issue of blood marinated with the lepers, the lamed, the blind man and the dead man. I was in critical need of resurrection, redemption, and rehabilitation. I poured out whatever toxic mixture that was eating me alive regardless of potential hypocritical, disdainful, or pitiful attitude of the world around me.

I was at that intersection where I could no longer bear the turmoil inside. When I was finally through, a deadly and strange silence lingered over the place, and the box of tissue quietly emptied out. That redemptive exercise had had such an impact on me. From that moment forward I began to crawl slowly through the path of recovery. I began to open my mouth and let my voice echo again.

In my culture it was taught not to expose our dirty laundry to anyone. Therefore, it was quite hard to open up and talk about the rough, edgy, and stormy sea I had to navigate. However, having had those ears listening to my disagreeable conversation at such a crossroad brought comfort to my soul. Stepping out of my shell constricted by decades of fear was vital for me to leap into the vast ocean toward my destiny. I did not care anymore, I needed to stand, walk, run, race, swim, or fly towards God's perfect plan for me.

It has been three years, my wings have gotten stronger. My broken heart is being mended more and more. It is about stepping out of that deadly cocoon stronger and more splendid than I have ever been. In fact, I am glad to reintroduce myself to the world:

"I am Gerthy, I am a precious pearl of an exquisite essence. A strong spear wonderfully and beautifully made by my Creator'. (Psalms 139: 14) I am still a work in progress, for He is not yet done with me."

I am grateful for my kids for they are the crowns of this journey of pain and sacrifices. I am grateful for family and friends for they are the shoulders that upheld me. I am grateful to all my professors who have guided me towards discovering my purpose. Now I am grateful for everyone of you. For you are the energy I was waiting for to tap into my destiny.

God sends us different angels at different times. We need to recognize and acknowledge them.
I am grateful for my daily lessons for they carry their share of blessings. They are seeds of wisdom that, if sown in a readily fertile ground, will blossom exponentially.

Footnote:

My special gratitude to my nursing professors at The College of New Rochelle. Your love, dedication, leadership, mentorship, humility, professionalism, and unselfish sharing have surrounded and supported me through the painful process of rebirth.

Spearitual

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Amazingly Renewed

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Love is ....