Amazingly Renewed

The trials of my life have transformed me from a 'victim' to a victor. I have learned that outward beauty by itself is a shell without essence or substance. That inner beauty on the other hand has the metamorphic power to turn the ugliest outer shell into the most radiant being.  I have also come to the understanding that as a caterpillar is given the power to be transformed into a butterfly, all of us have within us the power to spring forth wings of liberty. I have been empowered to never again let my body, this sacred temple, entrusted to me by The Divine, be debased by anyone. Now I know for sure that going through the fire has molded me into this priceless and unique jewel.

Throughout my life I have used different activities (such as arts and crafts, music, singing, dancing) to help me cope with stress and distress.  Reading has allowed me to imagine other worlds, kept me dreaming and fantasizing. Yet, nothing has been more instrumental in taking me out of my cocoon than telling the story of my life.  Sharing my story has helped me grieve and reconnect with my old self while progressing toward a more refined one.

 When I reentered college a few years ago, Dr Shand,  my professor in Transitional Nursing, threw the following question up in the air: " Who am I? " All of us, took turns answering the question. Some colleagues spoke of their prowess and accomplishments, others used the opportunity to recognize, affirm, and appreciate the individuals in their lives. When my turn came, I recall my brain swirling and my mouth frozen in fear.  My brain at that moment could not produce any beautiful and acceptable memories. Deep inside, I sensed that dragging skeletons out of the closet would disturb the perfect atmosphere.  I dreaded what followed next, but had no control whatsoever of the words that flowed from my lips.

"I am Gerthy, I  am a mother of five. I have been a registered nurse for 20 years. I am a survivor of domestic violence"....... I voiced.

Then my mouth continued to spout the painful memories as they continued to surface. Deluge of tears and uncontrollable hiccups took over.  I became the woman with the issue of blood marinated with the lepers, the lamed, the blind man and the dead man. I was in critical need of resurrection, redemption, and rehabilitation. I poured out whatever toxic mixture that was eating me alive regardless of potential hypocritical, disdainful, or pitiful attitude of the world around me.

I was at that intersection where I could no longer bear the turmoil inside. When I was finally through, a deadly and strange silence lingered over the place, and the box of tissue quietly emptied out.  That redemptive exercise had had such an impact on me. From that moment forward I began to crawl slowly through the path of recovery. I began to open my mouth and let my voice echo again.

In my culture it was taught not to expose our dirty laundry to anyone.  Therefore, it was quite hard to open up and talk about the rough, edgy, and stormy sea I had to navigate. However, having had those ears listening to my disagreeable conversation at such a crossroad brought comfort to my soul. Stepping out of my shell constricted by decades of fear was vital for me to leap into the vast ocean toward my destiny.  I did not care anymore, I needed to stand, walk, run, race, swim, or fly towards God's perfect plan for me.

It has been three years, my wings have gotten stronger. My broken heart is being mended more and more. It is about stepping out of that deadly cocoon stronger and more splendid than I have ever been.  In fact,  I am glad to reintroduce myself to the world:

"I am Gerthy, I am a precious pearl of an exquisite essence.  A strong spear wonderfully and beautifully made by my Creator'. (Psalms 139: 14)  I am still a work in progress, for He is not yet done with me."

I am grateful for my kids for they are the crowns of this journey of pain and sacrifices. I am grateful for family and friends for they are the shoulders that upheld me. I am grateful to all my professors who have guided me towards discovering my purpose. Now I am grateful for everyone of you. For you are the energy I was waiting for to tap into my destiny.

God sends us different angels at different times. We need to recognize and acknowledge them.
I am grateful for my daily lessons for they carry their share of blessings.   They are seeds of wisdom that, if sown in a readily fertile ground, will blossom exponentially.

Footnote:

My  special gratitude to my nursing professors at The College of New Rochelle. Your love, dedication,  leadership,  mentorship, humility, professionalism, and unselfish sharing have surrounded and supported me through the painful process of rebirth.

Love is ....

God is love.
Love is divine.
Love is the greatest healer.

Love is life.
Love is divine.
Love is eternal bliss.

Love is light.
Love is divine.
Love dissipates darkness.

Love is mercy.
Love is divine.
Love forgives all wrong.

Love is grace.
Love is divine.
Love showers us with peace

Love is kind.
Love is divine.
Love conquers all fears.

Love is free.
Love is divine.
Love sets all captives free.

Love is real.
Love is divine.
Love embraces us all.

Live Life Fully Every Day

Recently I went into hypertensive crisis. The outpouring of care and love was outstandingly exceptional - from the second I had gestured to my coworker that I was not well to the time of recovery at home. This health scare has taken me on a journey of soul searching and self-discovery.
 
When I reached the hospital, my stress level and blood pressure remained extremely high. So my ideal expectation was that I would be placed in a quiet and private environment.  In reality, in order to be monitored efficiently, I had to be kept in the ER in the midst of all the bright lights, beeping, and swooshing sounds. My bed was wheeled and zipped on the rail across this young, beautiful, and successful woman whose husband was siting quietly by her side.  She had checked into the hospital, not for anything major, nor for any particular signs and symptoms, but simply for her peace of mind.  She wondered if the zit on her face was a warning of a severe allergic reaction. As soon as I was dropped into my designated spot, I picked up her vibe of disenchantment. Not having the stamina to fight back, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I dismissed that unhealthy way of reacting to what I had perceived as 'her territorial attitude', and started focusing instead on my healing. She was released within an hour later.

Then, just as I began to relax in the room, another patient, a 79-year-old woman, Ms. C, became my new neighbor. Suddenly, I caught myself ironically wearing the villain's hat. I was disappointed that they had brought someone next to me while I needed total peace and quiet. I had forgotten that a few minutes earlier I, myself, was an unwanted neighbor. Ms C. was confident, charismatic, strong, humble, amicable, and stubborn. Sophisticated yet simple, she sat during all her stay with her head tall, a straight posture, and a radiant smile. She was brought in not of her own volition but by strangers who had witnessed her sustain a fall on the street. She could remember everything right before the fall and everything after. She hurt her head but could not remember how, or when it had happened. The medical experts were eager to figure out why. All preliminary tests came back normal except for "some internal bleeding around the affected site", which would require her to stay overnight.  Informed that the "bleed" could possibly spread and that as a precaution she needed to stay for the night, she abruptly asked, " .......for what?"

       Doctor: as to observe and see if it would                  become bigger."
       Ms. C: "Then what if it's spread?
       Doctor: it spreads we would have to perform         surgery.
       Ms. C:  "And what if it doesn't?"
       Doctor: it doesn't,  you would go home."
       Ms. C: "Then, in that case let me go home to kitty,        and if spreads, I'll come back for the                              surgery."

Ms C. was adamant, sweet, and funny at the same time. She pulled me out of my miserable state without effort, by sharing her story.  As I motioned that as we get older, there is this increasing need to be careful about how we handle ourselves.  She zapped and said with a genuine smile: "don't get old it doesn't pay." As she continued sharing,  I realized that she was another one of the many angels that have walked along my path in this journey called life.
   
Today, as I meditated over my health and the changes that have to occur, Ms C's joyful and brave spirit came to mind.  Though I am working on different ways to improve my health, I cannot help but remind myself that we are all just passing through life; we must live every second of it with purpose. The universe is larger and greater than what we can see, and we must encourage and allow ourselves to make the best of each day.

This journey has taught me to live my life fully every day knowing that it might be my last. My health is one of my many treasures. Yet, it can be taken away in thousands of different ways. But love, grace, peace, harmony, joy, happiness, contentment, forgiveness, and fulfillment can never be  taken away when I live my life every day to the fullest. Therefore, I will live my life every day as if it were my last mindfully, purposefully, gracefully,  gratefully,  respectfully, rightfully, righteously, joyfully and wisely.

Finding Our True Self

     In my world it seems that "I", the pronoun, is always looking down on all the others. He is tall, beautiful, elegant, proud, smart, self-confident, sometimes arrogant, rich, conceited,  and megalomaniacal. While all others might struggle around him, he closes his eyes in an ' I don't care attitude". Mr. 'I' seems to have it all set.  Yet, despite all his fortune,  he is discontent, dissatisfied, jealous, ungrateful and unkind.

       Mr. 'I' reigning over others is dangerous. It legitimizes his habits of complaining, boasting, robbing, blaming others, pointing fingers at others, and being envious of the pittance of others. It is always about I's self-centeredness: his happiness, his needs, and his desires. Worshiping of oneself is detrimental.

Dethrone 'I" and bring him on his knees; start writing him in lower case. Invite him around the table, and encourage him to become an active member of our community. Let's be loving, forgiving, and welcoming towards him. Maybe all the "I's in the world would gradually melt into we's. They would become unselfishly understanding, compassionate, generous, honest, truthful, trustworthy, humble, gracious, loving and faithful. 

     The day that we all join hearts and hands, our universe will open itself to allow us to re-enter into our lost paradise. For truth, love, peace and harmony can only reside in our humble self. When we exchange our trash for what is worthy and eternal, then our souls and paradise become one.

Take Time to Witness Love

As I bent to sit on the bus one morning, I was preoccupied by the fact that I had missed my regular bus. I wondered if I would make it to work on time. Not being in the present and unaware of my surroundings, I accidentally hit the passenger next to me with my backpack. All I heard was her moaning, holding her arm as if she were cradling a baby. I apologized profusely and gently rubbed her arm. Suddenly, her discomfort stopped and she told me it was okay. I felt  so relieved that she understood that I was sincerely sorry. Her genuine smile comforted me. I knew that I had been forgiven. As we parted ways, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a couple kissing as they welcomed each other; I realized that love was in the air, everywhere.

Despite my previous anxieties and preoccupations, I made it to work on time. Many times,  rushing to our daily commitments, we fail to pay enough attention to the world around us. So absorbed by the physical realm, we often ignore and miss what the spiritual realm has to offer. Our senses are so tuned to what strikes the eyes, that we miss out on the small blessings.

Many  times it is not the offense that hurts, but our failure to acknowledge that we have wronged others inadvertently or even purposefully. Often times what makes the pain linger is our inability to be sensitive and vulnerable.  Showing sensitivity and kindness is not a sign of weakness but one of strength.

Once, we become less self-centered,  we will realize that love is always in the air, everywhere waiting to be noticed, acknowledged, and embraced.

Lifting Our Hearts

We need to pay attention to what will lift up our hearts and give life to our souls.  Many precious gems from the earth come from filthy places. We do not discard them; instead we bring out the treasure and discard the trash. It is heartbreaking to see beautiful minds being wrapped up, enslaved, and subjugated by dark spirits. 

Let The Lamb who is worthy to open The Book be The Judge. Release any feelings of guilt, do the best possible. Avoid being bitter; for the sun must not set on our anger.

Love is the greatest weapon of all time.